what's inside my heart.

Rigil! Wake up from your dream and face the reality.

Life is unfair to me. Why does everyone feel happy when they speak to love? Why love cannot accept me who I am? This week, I finally realize that this person whom I love doesn’t love me at all. (Maybe). I’m just afraid to show my love to her maybe because I’m afraid of rejection, if I could turn back time I should not love that person because it will hurt me so bad that I like to stop my studies. Yah, I’m so in love to her, if I have only this courage to tell this, but I don’t have….yah crazy for me. Uugh! I like to shout very loud so that she could hear my feelings. I hate to go to school because the more I could see the face of the girl the more I can feel love towards her. Yeah, many of my friends encourage me to tell the truth to her, but I only replied that it’s not the right time. Yah, I’m just joking, I’m just afraid on what she will go to answer. I think this was also happened to me last 3 years ago when I’m in 2^nd year high school. I’ve experienced the same feeling, that’s why I will stopped this feeling, because last time my heart broke because she basted me and we are not friend after that. I’m afraid that my past experience will be the same as now, that’s why I should stop these feelings right now. But it’s so hard to stop this feeling maybe because I love her. One year of hiding, one year of dreaming that you will also like me, not only a friend but as a gentlemen who needs your love.

We could be best friend but not best lover

It’s so hard to accept the truth, I keep repeating myself what if this is only a dream, a dream that I need to awake, awake from this nightmare. I regret when the day is over that I couldn’t tell what I like to said to her...huhuhuhuhuhu… Do you have any idea why sometimes I change mood when I’m with you? Yah, if you question it to your mind, it’s simply because I want you to hate me and avoid me so that I will also avoid you and keep distanced on you in order that this feelings of mine will fade.

But I’ve question myself if my decision is right. Because I don’t like to make regret when the days will come. I know that each decision there will be always an outcome; I think the outcome of this that we will be friends until when we graduated. And I will keep these feelings forever. Forever until it will fade.

I’m so in love, super in love.

I also question myself why love is the most important value that you can get to person. Yah, I know that I’m in love but I don’t know what love really means is. I think love needs sacrifices because in love you need to give all and do the best that you can in order that to attain the happiness and pursue what is the best.

Cry out loud

I want to cry but no one can understand me at all. I want to hug somebody and tel; what is going wrong with me. I’m so crazy in love with her….crazy…crazy…while writing this post, I’m crying. Please, can you take away my pain…