“Friendship is still in the air”
Through the week, I observe what the reason why people are still alive. Except for the biological needs one of the reasons is his/her friend. Friendship connotes relationship which involves common knowledge, esteem, affection and respect. Yes it is respect to everybody. As we all know respect is one of what Jesus taught us. His followers respect him as Holy, Friend and as a brother. Like Jesus, He also shows respect to his friend especially the one who believes them and those who seek faith. This week, I have seen different attitude of my friend. Last Monday, I settle the cold war happening inside the classroom. I act as a mediator to both company and listen to their side. I’m happy that I help them settle there problem and I know that they will become friends again.
“Fixing a Broken Heart”
Last January 19, 2010, I tuned in my radio and listening to the rendition of Christian Bautista “Fixing a Broken Heart”. How can I fix my broken heart whenever you are near? How can I move on when I see you always? What will I do to ease this pain? My heart is still aching, I don’t know what is the reason, but one thing for sure; my mind and heart are fighting to each other. I am acting crazy whenever I am near to her or when our classmates are teasing us. I cannot talk to her eye to eye. I don’t know if this is loneliness but one thing for sure. I cannot express my feeling through words.
“Reality?”
I questioned myself if I have really what it takes to be in this world? I have problem dealing with my emotion. I cannot show it because I don’t know. I am bringing this emotion for a long time. I want to burst it out but I can’t. For real I want to be alone, alone for one day and reflect. I want to have a day to mediate on my emotions and feelings. I want to let the inner me shutter everyone. I want the real me to be shown.
“Good memories…Bye-bye”
Good memories are the one who hard to forget. It takes time to forget it and it is hurtful when you remember it. It is like a gold treasure that is so precious to you. But this good memories might be the cause that you still in your past life. You cannot move if this remains in you and will always keep you from the real world. I hardly accept that I have hard time to forget my good memories but in the end it cannot erase. There is still a broken piece of mirror that when you assemble or arrange it, it will become a mirror again.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Thursday, December 31, 2009
YEAR 2009
YEAR 2009
Its been a year. I think last January when I made my New Year resolution first thing on the list is to be serious in studies and be more servant to anyone. I think I fulfill that promise but one thing is not been fulfilled that we will be together these year. I know that this year is a tough one because i have to deal my emotion to her and its so painful. Yah, indeed life is full of challenges and some challenges are not resolve in good ways. Year 2009 will be a history both good and bad memories but the most important is that you learn from these memories and can give you encouragement that you will strive hard for the best.
2009 indeed is a heart to heart experience for me and likewise also the year of pretending of one's identity. Yeah i admit it, i am so pretentious this year. I know myself that i am so tired of these i want to stop these craziness but i deeply in love of her and it is hard to stop just like that.
I know that LOVE is the main issue this year. It is so obvious because starting in January I think, my affection towards her is starting to grow and growing that resolves to LOVE. I remember during summer class that i don't want to talk to you anymore because what you think that i was offended on what you said to me...but the truth is I’m just avoiding you, avoiding you because my heart is pump faster when I’m with you. I know it is so unfair because you didn't know the reason but i think this will be the best way to keep my feelings to you. During summer break 2 weeks before our class that we text to each other, yeah, i like that moment when we text to each other. But you stop texting me, and i don't mind it (but the truth is every now and then i always check my cell phone if you just say hello to me or just text any group messages.
When the second year of school started, when i know that we are not anymore sit mate because we are in different section, i'm so happy because i will not be with you anymore (because i thought that my love for you will gone) but i was totally wrong i miss you so bad, i just want to see you every time. I remember that we have a fight during the first month of schooling, yeah i planned for it, and I want you to get mad of me and hated me because I am mad at you. I know that you think my reason for getting mad at you is because you didn't reply every text i send to you, yeah i reason out that way but the truth is i am just avoiding you. But when i saw you walking at the corridor and we across to each other you smile at me but i didn't. I know that made you upset and maybe mad. i remember that you texted me that day and i didn't reply but other side of it i am waiting that you will text me and i will reply you after but i didn't do it because i will stand on my feelings. During the symposium, i think one of your friend said to me that you are so moody, and when i watch you, yeah you are so moody, i don't know what is the reason for that but one thing for sure it involves me. And by that reaction of yours i send you a message, message that i used a number in the cellphone and i think i said to you that 76779 "sorry". After that message we are back to friends again. And that time i'm starting to pretend that i don't like you.
I just remember during your 18th birthday, i am your first dance and i am happy because i danced with you but i cried during your last dance because one of your crush or just i said "mutual understanding" classmate offer you a dance, i got jealous and i didn't notice that I'm crying ( thank goodness the light is off.
It was during November, second semester if our second year in college that we are classmate again. I am mixed emotion at that time, because I'm happy that we are classmate but i am afraid because i know that my love for you will going to grow and that will surely affects me. During couple of weeks everything is fine for you but for me everything is hard, ya, i cried because I'm tired of pretending. But i think i have no guts to say to you my feeling that’s why i start to write it in the weekly assignment in theology and also facebook, i wrote weird stuff. And i know that you heard anything that is about me. i only used it because i am such a loser not to tell you directly. And i remember during the last Friday of November where everybody is ready of the open forum that i am uneasy that time its because I'm sure i can't stop my emotions and i know that you will learn about it. Yah, my prediction is right, when i read the paragraph i start to cry, i cannot stop the tears falling down, i know that you are also crying at that time. When the activity is finished and everybody is hugging each other, i secretly hug you and you said to me that you are SORRY, i was shock at that time and my tears are starting again to fall down... I now during that time, i start to avoid you but sometimes i cannot avoid you because we are classmate and it is hard to avoid each other when you are in the school. i always cry and cry i don't know what is the reason for this cry maybe because i'm just insecure of the things. I ask for advices but i didn't follow it maybe because i'm not willing to let go of you.
December 11, 2009...this time i text you all of my fellings,,,,as in all...from the beginning to the last i send it to you twice. i waited for your text but you didn't reply anything. I ask some of our friend about what will be the reaction and all of them said that they will think hard of it, so i think it is excused.
December 15, 2009...a time that i have the guts to tell you about anything...i ask you what is your reaction.....to summarize all of your text the main idea of it is FRIEND...It is so ouch for me indeed... i am insane at that time and crazy of what you said... Next day of that is started to avoid you...yeah, i know that is the stupid things to do but i don't know what's really in my mind.
December 18, 2009....BYE2x to everyone... yah, i remember this day also because this day i gave you a chocolate that has been days for me and i cannot give it to you face to face so i gave it to my friend and ask her to gave it to you instead. and i go rapidly, i am so stupid on what i did to her and loser to everybody of my friend. but after that day i was informed that you cry...
Last week, i text you and informed that the i will change and shockingly you said that "you like the way i am who is capable of loving but i think this will make you better because i don't want to see my dear friend to get hurt"...when i read this one i am totally crying,,,super crying like i want to explode...but this is your last text... i don't know what is the reason why you are know didn't reply my text and i am confused for what i feel right now because i am angry with you with that low excuse that you didn't reply all of my text...
Its been a year. I think last January when I made my New Year resolution first thing on the list is to be serious in studies and be more servant to anyone. I think I fulfill that promise but one thing is not been fulfilled that we will be together these year. I know that this year is a tough one because i have to deal my emotion to her and its so painful. Yah, indeed life is full of challenges and some challenges are not resolve in good ways. Year 2009 will be a history both good and bad memories but the most important is that you learn from these memories and can give you encouragement that you will strive hard for the best.
2009 indeed is a heart to heart experience for me and likewise also the year of pretending of one's identity. Yeah i admit it, i am so pretentious this year. I know myself that i am so tired of these i want to stop these craziness but i deeply in love of her and it is hard to stop just like that.
I know that LOVE is the main issue this year. It is so obvious because starting in January I think, my affection towards her is starting to grow and growing that resolves to LOVE. I remember during summer class that i don't want to talk to you anymore because what you think that i was offended on what you said to me...but the truth is I’m just avoiding you, avoiding you because my heart is pump faster when I’m with you. I know it is so unfair because you didn't know the reason but i think this will be the best way to keep my feelings to you. During summer break 2 weeks before our class that we text to each other, yeah, i like that moment when we text to each other. But you stop texting me, and i don't mind it (but the truth is every now and then i always check my cell phone if you just say hello to me or just text any group messages.
When the second year of school started, when i know that we are not anymore sit mate because we are in different section, i'm so happy because i will not be with you anymore (because i thought that my love for you will gone) but i was totally wrong i miss you so bad, i just want to see you every time. I remember that we have a fight during the first month of schooling, yeah i planned for it, and I want you to get mad of me and hated me because I am mad at you. I know that you think my reason for getting mad at you is because you didn't reply every text i send to you, yeah i reason out that way but the truth is i am just avoiding you. But when i saw you walking at the corridor and we across to each other you smile at me but i didn't. I know that made you upset and maybe mad. i remember that you texted me that day and i didn't reply but other side of it i am waiting that you will text me and i will reply you after but i didn't do it because i will stand on my feelings. During the symposium, i think one of your friend said to me that you are so moody, and when i watch you, yeah you are so moody, i don't know what is the reason for that but one thing for sure it involves me. And by that reaction of yours i send you a message, message that i used a number in the cellphone and i think i said to you that 76779 "sorry". After that message we are back to friends again. And that time i'm starting to pretend that i don't like you.
I just remember during your 18th birthday, i am your first dance and i am happy because i danced with you but i cried during your last dance because one of your crush or just i said "mutual understanding" classmate offer you a dance, i got jealous and i didn't notice that I'm crying ( thank goodness the light is off.
It was during November, second semester if our second year in college that we are classmate again. I am mixed emotion at that time, because I'm happy that we are classmate but i am afraid because i know that my love for you will going to grow and that will surely affects me. During couple of weeks everything is fine for you but for me everything is hard, ya, i cried because I'm tired of pretending. But i think i have no guts to say to you my feeling that’s why i start to write it in the weekly assignment in theology and also facebook, i wrote weird stuff. And i know that you heard anything that is about me. i only used it because i am such a loser not to tell you directly. And i remember during the last Friday of November where everybody is ready of the open forum that i am uneasy that time its because I'm sure i can't stop my emotions and i know that you will learn about it. Yah, my prediction is right, when i read the paragraph i start to cry, i cannot stop the tears falling down, i know that you are also crying at that time. When the activity is finished and everybody is hugging each other, i secretly hug you and you said to me that you are SORRY, i was shock at that time and my tears are starting again to fall down... I now during that time, i start to avoid you but sometimes i cannot avoid you because we are classmate and it is hard to avoid each other when you are in the school. i always cry and cry i don't know what is the reason for this cry maybe because i'm just insecure of the things. I ask for advices but i didn't follow it maybe because i'm not willing to let go of you.
December 11, 2009...this time i text you all of my fellings,,,,as in all...from the beginning to the last i send it to you twice. i waited for your text but you didn't reply anything. I ask some of our friend about what will be the reaction and all of them said that they will think hard of it, so i think it is excused.
December 15, 2009...a time that i have the guts to tell you about anything...i ask you what is your reaction.....to summarize all of your text the main idea of it is FRIEND...It is so ouch for me indeed... i am insane at that time and crazy of what you said... Next day of that is started to avoid you...yeah, i know that is the stupid things to do but i don't know what's really in my mind.
December 18, 2009....BYE2x to everyone... yah, i remember this day also because this day i gave you a chocolate that has been days for me and i cannot give it to you face to face so i gave it to my friend and ask her to gave it to you instead. and i go rapidly, i am so stupid on what i did to her and loser to everybody of my friend. but after that day i was informed that you cry...
Last week, i text you and informed that the i will change and shockingly you said that "you like the way i am who is capable of loving but i think this will make you better because i don't want to see my dear friend to get hurt"...when i read this one i am totally crying,,,super crying like i want to explode...but this is your last text... i don't know what is the reason why you are know didn't reply my text and i am confused for what i feel right now because i am angry with you with that low excuse that you didn't reply all of my text...
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
December 29, 2009: DIARY
I hate her so much....
i hate myself...
I hate myself because i hate you...
Why do i ever loved you like this
even if i try to forget you, you are still remains in here.
even your cellphone number i still remember.
I hate this feelings when you know that it is impossible to be with you, i keep myself wishing to that you will also feel the same as i do
I want to stop these craziness but i think it is impossible.
ugggghhhhh....what will i do to stop thinking of you...
Even if i try to love someone (my 2nd year crush) i cannot get rid over you...
Even if i want to erase your number in my phone book i still remember your number.
Even if i don't want to text you but i cannot stop myself texting you "HELLO"
Even if you don't replay some of my text i keep texting you
Why are you like that??? i used different number because i want to test if you will replay to the text then my guts is right... you reply to the text and my text that i sent to you, you don't even replay just a single hello....i know that it is unreasonable but by the fact that you are avoiding me,,,brought me heartbreak...
I try to be busy but in times i'm all alone I'm thinking of you...
In night when i close my eyes i am imagining that we are laughing, telling jokes, holding each other hands and teasing... i want to leave in my dreams because i know i will be happy there and i know that we can be together there..but i keep waking up and facing the reality which is not my destiny.
Yah, i said to you that the rigil before will not be right back anymore but it is just all lies because the rigil will still remain and still pretending to be ok.
I want to say sorry to you because i cause you pain, i let you cry and i let you think of me even a little bit of time.
i want to clarify what you said to me when i said that the rigil before will be gone...that you see the real me who is sweet and capable of loving. yah you let me show it you but in the end i start to be pretentious to you...
I don't know what's gonna happen to me next year. i don't know what will i do next year. i want to stop my life now and have another life which is perfect in all aspects especially the physical aspect...
i hate myself...
I hate myself because i hate you...
Why do i ever loved you like this
even if i try to forget you, you are still remains in here.
even your cellphone number i still remember.
I hate this feelings when you know that it is impossible to be with you, i keep myself wishing to that you will also feel the same as i do
I want to stop these craziness but i think it is impossible.
ugggghhhhh....what will i do to stop thinking of you...
Even if i try to love someone (my 2nd year crush) i cannot get rid over you...
Even if i want to erase your number in my phone book i still remember your number.
Even if i don't want to text you but i cannot stop myself texting you "HELLO"
Even if you don't replay some of my text i keep texting you
Why are you like that??? i used different number because i want to test if you will replay to the text then my guts is right... you reply to the text and my text that i sent to you, you don't even replay just a single hello....i know that it is unreasonable but by the fact that you are avoiding me,,,brought me heartbreak...
I try to be busy but in times i'm all alone I'm thinking of you...
In night when i close my eyes i am imagining that we are laughing, telling jokes, holding each other hands and teasing... i want to leave in my dreams because i know i will be happy there and i know that we can be together there..but i keep waking up and facing the reality which is not my destiny.
Yah, i said to you that the rigil before will not be right back anymore but it is just all lies because the rigil will still remain and still pretending to be ok.
I want to say sorry to you because i cause you pain, i let you cry and i let you think of me even a little bit of time.
i want to clarify what you said to me when i said that the rigil before will be gone...that you see the real me who is sweet and capable of loving. yah you let me show it you but in the end i start to be pretentious to you...
I don't know what's gonna happen to me next year. i don't know what will i do next year. i want to stop my life now and have another life which is perfect in all aspects especially the physical aspect...
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Letting Go
How does one let go? How do you say to the one you love.. “I will give way. Im bowing out.” When the mere thought conjures a fear so overwhelming that it takes away all that gives meaning to life. How do you let go of a feeling that celebrates a life shared together?
And so I wept. Every tear that I shed was an act of my ultimate sacrifice, the final act of love. Every waking day is a never ending cycle of anguish and resignation. When even in the silence of the night, I am haunted with images of what was and what could have been. How do you release my battered soul from the upheavals of anger and love. I felt every thud and bang that I was made to suffer. But all these I go through, if only to prove a point. That I will not turn our short lived affair to anything less than noble, pure and life giving. Despite the incredulities, despite the flaws and against the tide of prudence, I wagered my life when I said yes to you.
Then suddenly, I am alone once more. Pain has given way to despair, loneliness to desolation. And in the struggle between my heart and my wit, I began to ask questions. Why me when my only mistake was to fall for you. Did you really love me? Who was I to you? You may have answers but I doubt if these can put my heart at peace. To provide a closure that will bring relief to all these pain. Restore back my ability to love. Move on with life.
So once again, I’m one solitary figure on a lonely road. I will travel alone.. once more… all over again. And as I take the first steps, I will take stock of my memories. Carefully sifting through the trials and tribulations of life. Weeping as I revisit the most painful episodes, taking refuge in sweet memories. But in all these, you will always linger on. There will be new faces, new chapters. But you will always abide in me. I too have decided never to forget. I will love you from afar for indeed, I was never meant to be a part of you.
And so I wept. Every tear that I shed was an act of my ultimate sacrifice, the final act of love. Every waking day is a never ending cycle of anguish and resignation. When even in the silence of the night, I am haunted with images of what was and what could have been. How do you release my battered soul from the upheavals of anger and love. I felt every thud and bang that I was made to suffer. But all these I go through, if only to prove a point. That I will not turn our short lived affair to anything less than noble, pure and life giving. Despite the incredulities, despite the flaws and against the tide of prudence, I wagered my life when I said yes to you.
Then suddenly, I am alone once more. Pain has given way to despair, loneliness to desolation. And in the struggle between my heart and my wit, I began to ask questions. Why me when my only mistake was to fall for you. Did you really love me? Who was I to you? You may have answers but I doubt if these can put my heart at peace. To provide a closure that will bring relief to all these pain. Restore back my ability to love. Move on with life.
So once again, I’m one solitary figure on a lonely road. I will travel alone.. once more… all over again. And as I take the first steps, I will take stock of my memories. Carefully sifting through the trials and tribulations of life. Weeping as I revisit the most painful episodes, taking refuge in sweet memories. But in all these, you will always linger on. There will be new faces, new chapters. But you will always abide in me. I too have decided never to forget. I will love you from afar for indeed, I was never meant to be a part of you.
I love you too
This is a poem that made by someone
Never expected meet someone like you
Whenever you're around don't know what to do
Always thinking of you being here with me
Hope next time I'd not dream but it's you I'd see
Crazy it seems but that's the way I feel
And I wish you would also be for real
'Coz what I'm feeling now is really true
I'm definitely falling in LOVE with you
No one else made me feel this way
I flay those gibberish words they say
Just prayed that God would give me someone like you
Who's really good and true
So it was granted and as the song goes I'd
Maybe Its You!
Never expected meet someone like you
Whenever you're around don't know what to do
Always thinking of you being here with me
Hope next time I'd not dream but it's you I'd see
Crazy it seems but that's the way I feel
And I wish you would also be for real
'Coz what I'm feeling now is really true
I'm definitely falling in LOVE with you
No one else made me feel this way
I flay those gibberish words they say
Just prayed that God would give me someone like you
Who's really good and true
So it was granted and as the song goes I'd
Maybe Its You!
Friday, December 18, 2009
Love & Friendship
You're the one I most admire, with great intentions and loving desires.
Passion and trust and knowing that you care, brings a lifetime of
Happiness for us to share...
Being so gentle, understanding, and kind, brings comfort, faith, and a
Joy that shines.
Tears and laughter are fellings that's rare, but a true heart shall
Never dispare...
Love is unique in it's very own way, taking risks, and challenges
Day by day.
But when a heart is made of gold, there is so much to share. Like joy,
Laughter, and a friendship that's there...
So I give you my heart as a token of love, from one friend to another,
And the heaven's above.
So take my heart and cherish it too, cause there is no us without
You!
© Carolyn A. Davis
Passion and trust and knowing that you care, brings a lifetime of
Happiness for us to share...
Being so gentle, understanding, and kind, brings comfort, faith, and a
Joy that shines.
Tears and laughter are fellings that's rare, but a true heart shall
Never dispare...
Love is unique in it's very own way, taking risks, and challenges
Day by day.
But when a heart is made of gold, there is so much to share. Like joy,
Laughter, and a friendship that's there...
So I give you my heart as a token of love, from one friend to another,
And the heaven's above.
So take my heart and cherish it too, cause there is no us without
You!
© Carolyn A. Davis
love and friendship
What is friendship, and love? Is there a difference? These are two of the questions that have always intrigued most people. Unfortunately, precise and concise answers to such a question cannot be given. The least that can be said about these two is that both complement each other and that friendship is a subset of love!
Friendship
So what exactly is friendship? How do we define it? Why do we call a person our friend? When do we call someone a very good friend? These are questions to which answers can be sought but then they are case specific.
Friendship is not a state of mind, it's an act. It's something you do, it's not about whether you're good or not, it's not a reflection of you, it's a balanced relationship between people. It varies from person to person. But to define friendship loosely one could say that:
We call those people our friends whom
We care and are ready to help us during times of distress
With whom we share most of our thoughts
We can always count upon our during an emergency
Friendship and love are not quite the same thing, although there's a lot of love around friendship. We are always sure that our friend will understand why we acted in a certain way. We need not explain anything to our very good friends. The friendship is so deep and the relationship is so intimate, that most of the things are automatically understood by our friends.
Love
The primary aspect in love, which makes it stand apart from friendship, is that the two individuals share a certain intimacy, which is greater than friendship
A primary element in love is the physical element. Friendship has its boundaries defined and no matter how close you are with your friend, it is devoid of physical intimacy. The individuals look at an emotional quotient, which also involves their sexual attachment with each other. This is a vital difference between friendship and love
In love, individuals generally have only one partner as against friendship. You may have numerous people whom you could call friends/ good friends but there exists only one person with whom you are in love
A loving relationship makes one so much attached to the other, that one gets pained if his/her beloved is hurt!
Friendship may last for a life time as does love and relationship but then the time spent by the individuals with each other is high in love / relationship as compared to friendship Life without love is like a year without spring. One could say that love is friendship plus physical closeness.
from: http://loveandfriendshiprelationship.blogspot.com/
angel rain
Friendship
So what exactly is friendship? How do we define it? Why do we call a person our friend? When do we call someone a very good friend? These are questions to which answers can be sought but then they are case specific.
Friendship is not a state of mind, it's an act. It's something you do, it's not about whether you're good or not, it's not a reflection of you, it's a balanced relationship between people. It varies from person to person. But to define friendship loosely one could say that:
We call those people our friends whom
We care and are ready to help us during times of distress
With whom we share most of our thoughts
We can always count upon our during an emergency
Friendship and love are not quite the same thing, although there's a lot of love around friendship. We are always sure that our friend will understand why we acted in a certain way. We need not explain anything to our very good friends. The friendship is so deep and the relationship is so intimate, that most of the things are automatically understood by our friends.
Love
The primary aspect in love, which makes it stand apart from friendship, is that the two individuals share a certain intimacy, which is greater than friendship
A primary element in love is the physical element. Friendship has its boundaries defined and no matter how close you are with your friend, it is devoid of physical intimacy. The individuals look at an emotional quotient, which also involves their sexual attachment with each other. This is a vital difference between friendship and love
In love, individuals generally have only one partner as against friendship. You may have numerous people whom you could call friends/ good friends but there exists only one person with whom you are in love
A loving relationship makes one so much attached to the other, that one gets pained if his/her beloved is hurt!
Friendship may last for a life time as does love and relationship but then the time spent by the individuals with each other is high in love / relationship as compared to friendship Life without love is like a year without spring. One could say that love is friendship plus physical closeness.
from: http://loveandfriendshiprelationship.blogspot.com/
angel rain
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)